15 Jul

It is one of life’s great ironies (and injustices) that the symptoms of PMS are virtually identical to the signs of early pregnancy. Today I feel like my period is coming. I am crampy and mildly dizzy. I am hungry and craving protein (and sweets and carbs). I am feeling emotional and mildly panicked. I am mildly gassy and bloated. I am less optimistic than I was last night and first-thing this morning.

I had a great session with my fabulous gay therapist last night. He encouraged me to try and imagine myself at 95 years old, looking back at this period of trying to get pregnant. He asked me if I thought I would regret it. Of course I won’t! My wife and I will have a family, no matter what it takes to get there. But this never-ending, totally nerve-wracking process is no fun at all.

I booked a massage for this afternoon. Bonus self-care points for me. I am also going to try and hold off on doing a pee test until the middle of next week. Our one-year wedding anniversary is on Sunday and I don’t want to spend it being upset or disappointed.

Cautious hope.

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