2 Aug

After the doom and gloom of the last few weeks, it was great to get some perspective this weekend. We did a grand friends-and-family tour of the Greater Toronto Area and we came hope feeling very full and very loved. It was nice to hang out with some queer friends who have no intention of becoming parents any time in the near future. It helped get me out of the myopic gayby bubble where every dyke I have been hanging out with is either pregnant or a new mother.

It also reminded me that we have options. If IVF doesn’t work again, we can try and chill out a bit and do some home inseminations with fresh donor sperm. Our closest gay friends have no idea that we are sizing them up and wondering about their sperm quality (actually I am sure they have probably guessed). We can also explore the idea of adoption, though this is not at the top of our list at this point. I believe that adoption is a noble and beautiful way to create a family, but for various reasons, this may not work for us.

I am starting to feel more like myself again. It’s been a few days since I randomly dissolved into weeping. I’m enjoying the exercise I’ve been getting and I hope to step it up at the gym and in yoga classes over the next few weeks. It’s been lovely to enjoy coffee and wine when I feel like it and let go of the obsessive monitoring of my bodily functions.  I go for more blood work tomorrow and then we meet with our doctor next week. I hope we can start our next IVF cycle as soon as possible. Even though I don’t relish another roller coaster of needles, monitoring and mood swings, I am eager to find out if another medication protocol will lead to better results. I find it hard to believe that I have “poor” egg quality given my otherwise good health overall.

I am not looking forward to haggling with our fertility clinic about finances. I won’t get into it now, but let’s just say that the very idea of attaching such a high personal cost to a health care procedure is completely foreign to this Canadian. I am so grateful that we have such a comprehensive and accessible public health care system. The fact that IVF is not covered by my province (unless a woman has two blocked fallopian tubes) is frustrating and terribly unjust. The idea that so many couples must drown themselves in debt in an attempt to have a child is both tragic and maddening. More on this at another time.

2 Responses to “Perspective”

  1. cathy August 2, 2011 at 2:00 pm #

    i’m glad you’re feeling better!

    i understand about adoption. people toss it into conversations all too easily as if it’s the same outcome or even the same motivation. and they never suggest it to people just havin’ sex and makin’ babies.

    anyway, before i start ranting about that – yay!

    • Queer Femme Mama August 2, 2011 at 2:06 pm #

      Thanks Cathy. I am not opposed to the idea of building our family through adoption, but it’s not our first choice, for many reasons. We will tentatively explore the possibility, but it would require us to seriously change gears and expose ourselves to a tremendous amount of scrutiny. Adoption is in and of itself a long and challenging process. It is also not morally neutral. It’s also not an adopted child’s responsibility to fill the hole of grief and loss that infertile people face. They are unique people with specific needs who deserve families that are excited and ready to parent them. Who knows? We may end up going down that road. But I am not prepared to give up on the possibility that there may be absolutely nothing wrong with my reproductive system. I dare say I am starting to fee a bit optimistic again. Who knew?

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