A muscle

8 Aug

First of all, to the small handful of readers who actually know me in real life — fret not. I am not spending every day in a puddle of tears, though I do need to wipe my eyes every few hours. It’s just that this process has brought my heart so much closer to my skin. I feel transparent and highly visible. But I am still rooted and I am not going to blow away any time soon. I keep laughing (through tears) with my wife, saying “all these people are being so nice to us, it just makes me cry more!” But it’s really true. We have been enveloped by so much kindness and love lately, it’s overwhelming. It makes me think that maybe this process was designed to strengthen my heart muscle so it’s ready for the rigors of parenting. I am also strengthening my body. It feels so good to be back to a regular gym and yoga practice. With grad school and fertility treatments out of the way, I suddenly have so much more time on my hands. For now, I am trying to be thankful for the gift of time. I know it’s fleeting.

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