Two week waiting

19 Oct

I am 48 hours away from the end of the dreadful two week wait. I have been hesitant to update very often, because I am somewhat superstitious. All I can tell you is that everything about this cycle has been different from the last one. This can only be a good thing, but it’s no guarantee. Starting at about four days after the embryo transfer, I started feeling an intermittent dull ache in my lower back and very mild PMS-type cramps. But they didn’t worsen in intensity and they have largely dissipated since Monday morning. I don’t have the overhanging feeling of dread and disaster that I did last time. The cramps have not made the horrible turn from ambiguous aches into painful, unmistakable menstrual pain. And I haven’t started spotting.  That is all I know.

My wife and I took off for a much-need getaway to Vermont over the weekend and it was just what the doctor ordered. It kept me from obsessively googling my “symptoms” and it gave us some time to slow down and reconnect. I still spent one night huddled in bed, trying to determine whether or not the vague feelings in my reproductive organs were signs of failure. But by Sunday, I felt like the fog had lifted.

I have stopped myself from doing any home pregnancy tests. Every single time I have done them over the last year, it has triggered an emotional downward spiral of depression and despair. If this cycle fails, those feelings are inevitable. But I don’t really need to feel them today or tomorrow. If I need to collapse on Friday, I will. But for now, I am imbued with a cautious sense of optimism and it’s rather refreshing.


2 Responses to “Two week waiting”

  1. cathy October 19, 2011 at 9:31 am #

    we’re thinking of you both often. 🙂

  2. mary October 20, 2011 at 6:13 am #

    Thinking of and praying hard for you girls as this week draws to a close. So much is running through my head as I think of you, but it’s hard to find words. The essence of it is: I hope your dream comes true.

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