Maybe we’ll get a baby at the end of this

14 Nov

I know that the sentiment expressed in the title of this post may seem a bit hilarious, given that I am eight weeks pregnant. It’s just that I still don’t quite believe that this is happening. And the worrywart part of my brain keeps thinking, “I’ll believe it when I see it.”

It’s hard not to think that imminent disaster is inevitable when you spend too much time perusing infertility websites. It’s a bad habit, I know. But reading other people’s blogs over the past year really gave me a window into the realities of tying to conceive. Some women experience loss after loss and it’s hard not to feel like this might be the norm. It’s the myopic world of infertility warping my brain. And while I don’t really have any confirmation that I actually have a problem with my fertility, it sure took a long time to get pregnant. There were dozens and dozens of appointments involved — multiple doctors, more needles than I want to think about and enough internal ultrasounds to last me this lifetime and the next.

And here I am now. There’s absolutely no indication that anything is wrong. An ultrasound on Thursday confirmed that there is a microscopic little heart beating inside me. But it all still seems like such a remote reality.

One of my closest friends gave birth less than two weeks ago. When I held her daughter in my arms, it donned on me that it’s very possible that my wife and I will be doing the same thing in June. It’s so crazy and wondrous. I am starting to believe that this may actually happen for us. But I’m not quite there yet.

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2 Responses to “Maybe we’ll get a baby at the end of this”

  1. cathy November 14, 2011 at 3:34 pm #

    we do the same thing! when you spend so much time focused on getting pregnant, it’s sort of hard to believe that it’s over, and now you have to think about the next steps!

  2. mary November 15, 2011 at 12:00 pm #

    I’m thrilled for you! So very happy!

    I took my first deep breath at the first ultrasound, and my second at about 24 weeks. Now I can’t take deep breaths at all cause there’s a giant full-term baby kicking against my diaphram! It took a long time to relax into the pregnancy. Every day that I was still pregnant felt like a miracle – until last week when I hit 37 weeks!

    I hope and pray that your little one is in it for the long haul. Stick in there, little friend!

    xoxoxoxoxox

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