Archive | December, 2011

14.5 week musings

30 Dec

I swear I had a dozen blog posts in my head over the last two weeks, but I didn’t bother to sit down and pound them out. So consider this a digest of my pregnancy-related thoughts as of late …

  • Clothing: Maternity jeans are a dream. Why don’t we all wear pants like this all the time? Stretchy fabric in place of an actual waist band? Yes please. The rest of the shopping has been mostly depressing so far. I guess it should be no surprise that the maternity clothing industry functions like the rest of retail fashion: it’s designed for skinny people. Or at least women without hips. That being said, I managed to scavenge a few decent pieces. I also did well at a higher-end boutique that was having a Boxing Day sale. I got a couple of cute dresses that actually reflect my personal sense of style. I am going to have to accessorize the hell out of everything else.
  • Bump: My stomach still looks like two lumps, rather than a solid baby bump. I know this will take time. I just can’t wait for when I stop looking/feeling fat and actually start looking pregnant.
  • Energy: I’ve had a noticeable upswing in my energy in the last couple of weeks and was on a bit of a roll at the gym … till I got sick. Cait and I both have a lingering cold and it’s grounded me for the last four days. Ah well, at least I am off work. And even if I wasn’t sick, I probably would have spent the last few days lazing around anyway.
  • Sex drive: Still virtually non-existent. It’s been this way since we started the IVF in September. I would really like to start feeling like a sexual human being again (and before I get too huge to move and am totally sleep-deprived thanks to the brand-new tiny human ). I stocked up on some hot reading at the local feminist owned sex store. We’ll see if that helps.
  • Paranoia: Given that most of the first trimester symptoms have faded, I’m not really sporting a bump yet and I have yet to feel any fetal movement … it’s hard not to worry that something’s wrong. Looking forward to the 18-week midwife appointment and the 20-week ultrasound.
  • Sharing: Well, the cat’s pretty much out of the bag. If I know you in real life, you don’t have to keep this pregnancy as a closely-guarded secret. It feels good to be able to share the news with people. I think it will feel better in a month or so.

So that’s where I’m at. I wish I had politically charged feminist musings on future parenthood to share with you. Maybe after the shock of actually being pregnant starts to fade. It still amazes me every day.


Thank you doppler!

14 Dec

Just a quick note to say that today’s midwife appointment was wonderful — we heard the heartbeat for a brief few seconds on the doppler. Such a relief! Once again, the couch has eaten me. I’ve decided that evening gym trips are not going to work for me anymore. So I am going to take a co-worker up on an offer to pick me up in the morning, starting a couple of days next week. I really love getting exercise, but I am much more alert and energetic at 7 am than I am at 7 pm. I am going to try and push myself out the door an hour earlier, in an effort to earn the opportunity to totally hibernate at night. We shall see how this pans out …

But in the meantime: whoa. We are having a baby. Crazy.

12 weeks!

12 Dec

I am officially 12 weeks pregnant today. I am thankful that so far, my first trimester has flown by relatively uneventfully. Here my current list of random symptoms and body changes:

  • My stomach is definitely bigger, but it still looks pudgy rather than baby bump-like. But I noticed that it is starting to fill in a little around the sides. I am looking forward to it hardening and rounding, so I look pregnant, rather than fleshy and lumpy.
  • I woke up on Saturday morning to discover that a line had popped up on my abdomen. It’s called linea nigra. I knew this would happen eventually, but I didn’t expect it so soon. This certainly gives me a hint that the hormones are doing what they are supposed to do.
  • I am rocking some pretty annoying acne. Different than my usual menstrual spots, somewhat painful, hard to hide. I am hesitant to use any chemical-laden topical treatments, so I guess I just need to wait it out.
  • I am starting to get out of breath, even after a brisk walk. My new mama / midwife friend tells me this is because my body is pumping a lot more blood through my system. It feel strange to be huffing and puffing, especially since I am not anywhere close to waddling yet. But I hear that this is common.
  • I need nine hours of sleep a night and am usually dozing on the couch by 8 pm. The fact that it’s dark after 4:30 pm these days doesn’t help.

I went to my first pre-natal yoga class yesterday. It was pretty hilarious. The class was clearly designed for women who are much more physically encumbered than I am. Most of the floor poses were done on our sides. And the class wasn’t exactly strenuous.  But I bought a 10-class pass and will try to go once a week. I figure it can’t hurt to start doing some modified exercises now.

I hope to start writing some more substantial posts in the new year that aren’t just a listing of symptoms and a litany of complaints. Till then, I am still marveling that I’ve made it to this point. I guess I am finally starting to believe that I’m pregnant.

“All I do is eat and sleep”

9 Dec

I had a bit of a hormonally-induced cryfest this afternoon, after an otherwise lovely day off. I got 10 hours of sleep, went for an (intense) massage to help clear up some of my headache/jaw/neck pain issues, went for lunch in China Town, spent some time purging my home office and then took a nap. I guess I woke up on the wrong side of the bed, because my plan to actually make it to the gym afterward devolved into tears, television and take-out Greek food. Caitlyn giggled as I half-cried/half-laughed about the fact that “all I do is eat and sleep these days.” It’s true. I have a vague dull ache in my lower back from being too sedentary. But all I want to do is lie on the couch and snack these days. Which is not terribly helpful to my social life or my self-esteem.

I’ll be 12 weeks pregnant as of Monday. And then on Wednesday, we will hopefully get to hear the heartbeat on a doppler. We’ve told a lot of people that I am pregnant, but by Christmas/Chanukah, I will feel comfortable bringing it up in conversation with acquaintances and it will make socializing much more appealing. Plus, I will finally go out and buy myself some maternity clothes, so I don’t feel so darned awkward in whatever I’m wearing anymore.

I feel like I am in the adolescent stage of pregnancy. My body is starting to change, though not dramatically yet. I am rocking some super sexy acne and my favourite clothes don’t fit particularly well. I am moody, needy and prone to tears. Thankfully, I haven’t been puking. I know that exercise is that thing that almost always makes me feel better — but it’s been really hard to force myself out the door and over to the Y. Cait and I are going to do just that in an hour (after the souvlaki settles) because I know it will help lift my spirits. I am also going to try my first pre-natal yoga class on Sunday. I haven’t been to yoga since we started IVF and since then I have been too worried to try a regular class. It’s time to get limber again. The headaches and sore back are a sign that the couch is starting to eat me alive.

Every day that I stay pregnant, I am more invested in wanting to hold a baby at the end of this process. I have been reading too many horror stories on the internet and I need to stop. It’s just that I get into the downward spiral of being alone on the couch and bored … and then I start googling and it all goes downhill. But I guess the cryfest (and yesterday’s Sudden Onset Cheeseburger Craving) are good signs. I’m just going to hang tight till next Wednesday and then hopefully breathe a giant sigh of relief. Or  few happy sobs.

EDIT (9:45 pm): We went to the gym! I did 40 minutes of mild cardio and stretching and feel so much better. I took a hot bath, but didn’t make it back out to go to an art opening. Ah well — you win some, you lose some. Maybe I will actually feel like going out after 7pm after my first trimester is over.