“All I do is eat and sleep”

I had a bit of a hormonally-induced cryfest this afternoon, after an otherwise lovely day off. I got 10 hours of sleep, went for an (intense) massage to help clear up some of my headache/jaw/neck pain issues, went for lunch in China Town, spent some time purging my home office and then took a nap. I guess I woke up on the wrong side of the bed, because my plan to actually make it to the gym afterward devolved into tears, television and take-out Greek food. Caitlyn giggled as I half-cried/half-laughed about the fact that “all I do is eat and sleep these days.” It’s true. I have a vague dull ache in my lower back from being too sedentary. But all I want to do is lie on the couch and snack these days. Which is not terribly helpful to my social life or my self-esteem.

I’ll be 12 weeks pregnant as of Monday. And then on Wednesday, we will hopefully get to hear the heartbeat on a doppler. We’ve told a lot of people that I am pregnant, but by Christmas/Chanukah, I will feel comfortable bringing it up in conversation with acquaintances and it will make socializing much more appealing. Plus, I will finally go out and buy myself some maternity clothes, so I don’t feel so darned awkward in whatever I’m wearing anymore.

I feel like I am in the adolescent stage of pregnancy. My body is starting to change, though not dramatically yet. I am rocking some super sexy acne and my favourite clothes don’t fit particularly well. I am moody, needy and prone to tears. Thankfully, I haven’t been puking. I know that exercise is that thing that almost always makes me feel better — but it’s been really hard to force myself out the door and over to the Y. Cait and I are going to do just that in an hour (after the souvlaki settles) because I know it will help lift my spirits. I am also going to try my first pre-natal yoga class on Sunday. I haven’t been to yoga since we started IVF and since then I have been too worried to try a regular class. It’s time to get limber again. The headaches and sore back are a sign that the couch is starting to eat me alive.

Every day that I stay pregnant, I am more invested in wanting to hold a baby at the end of this process. I have been reading too many horror stories on the internet and I need to stop. It’s just that I get into the downward spiral of being alone on the couch and bored … and then I start googling and it all goes downhill. But I guess the cryfest (and yesterday’s Sudden Onset Cheeseburger Craving) are good signs. I’m just going to hang tight till next Wednesday and then hopefully breathe a giant sigh of relief. Or  few happy sobs.

EDIT (9:45 pm): We went to the gym! I did 40 minutes of mild cardio and stretching and feel so much better. I took a hot bath, but didn’t make it back out to go to an art opening. Ah well — you win some, you lose some. Maybe I will actually feel like going out after 7pm after my first trimester is over.